No matter how powerful negativity from inside of you would be ... remember to always be a good human on the stage of life … written by the romanian writter Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
I try to understand life.
And the humans.
I do that ... trying in fact to understand myself.
I do that by a long, long time.
Unfortunately ... my biggest problem are the frustrations from inside of me.
And ... the confusions.
Yes....
My mind makes a huge confusion between the people from my past ... my relationships with them and present moment.
The ex partners ... are still present into my mind as actual partners.
My clients from past ... are reflected into the client i am dealing with today.
And actually ... for all the people playing a certain role into the now for me .... my mind creates an anchor into the past.
With people playing similar roles.
Unfortunately ... the past was not a fairy tale.
Created me lots of frustrations.
Planted inside of me lots of negativity.
And ... all is revealed today.
With delay.
I sabotage the actual relationships ... as an unconscious reaction related many times with my past.
The partner is just ... an X.
The client ... an Y.
For me is the client ... the partner ... but i can't see beyond that concept.
I can't see them anymore as souls.
Other souls.
Having ... another type of connection.
But ... all is still confusing.
Today ... i know it ... but still ... on the stage of the real life ... i act weirdly.
Most of the time.
Still being dominated of the negativity planted into my soul by my past.
Fortunately ... i try to convince myself be a better person on the stage of life.
Keep that always into my mind.
And ... act better.
Be ... a good human.
Ignore my frustrations.
My confusions.
Actually ... try to be how i want as the persons from the stage of my life to be.
Be an example.
But ... guess what?!
All those inner forces are much stronger than my ability to control myself.
I can't see ... beyond those concepts ... and keep in mind the mechanisms of my thinking and behaviour.
So ... all being a huge confusion ... proves to end all the time badly.
All my past relationships ... influencing too much the present moment.
My disability of seeing beyond my boundaries ... trying to redefine all ... would change the dynamic of my life ... but most probably ... i am not really ready yet.
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